We create the life we believe we deserve. We take routes that are sometimes not ours to take; And that’s okay. I believe everyone does have their own journey, we do manifest what we believe. You can create the life you envision. Yes, you do have the power of taking control.
People may question, evaluate you through their lenses, and even give you a “rating” in their own way of the type of person they view you as; all in all, THAT does not matter. What matters is how you feel, how you create the worlds you walk past and conjugate with. What matters is how you walk in this world full of chaos – chaos at times we do not see with the naked eye. What matters is the good you do, small or big, a hug, a meal, or a simple “I like your nails or hair do!” . A human can talk to you “normal” and inside they are raging with hate and animosity – and in the energy world. If you let it, it can consume you –> Main reason why having multiple sex partners is a HUGE NO! (a story for another day)
I remember , during the Time of my divorce I could not even stand myself. It seemed as if no one understood the agony I was in or the hurt that I felt. There was no way that I could radiate good energy. So I stayed away .. from so many people and unfortunetly- my own family. Maybe I was embarrassed or ashamed but I did not want anyone to even know my name ! I truly “hated” going to school and interacting with people. Fitness and the online world was my only get away. I even quit Rugby at UMW because people were getting wayyy to involved. Although they were kind ( I love you girls ! ) the overwhelming feeling of them ‘knowing my truth’ was enough for me to walk away… My mind was at chaos and the more I tried to do anything that once made me happy the more lost I felt; nothing was the same inside me. I had to really change my life completely and relearn who I was.
When you marry, you are no longer your own person. I did not know or understand how to separate the two. They say to keep those whom make you feel safe and understood. God placed the right person(s) with out me knowing. Thankfully, God is so amazing and has perfect timing for everything. I stayed closed to that one person that made me feel safe and if it wasn’t for him always staying positive and seeing the world differently, I honestly don’t know where I’d be. (If you’re reading this, I will forever love you and am indebted with you)
I used to be so afraid when making choices, I always felt tangled when it came to decision making. I could never just make one choice and stick to it or stop pondering on the “what would of, could of, should of”. This was another form of me , telling me, I neeeeeds more peace with in me, I need more GOD. I need to be more sure of who I and where I am going, in order to live a fulfilling life. The moment I realized how powerful THAT type of mentality is .. everything inside me felt different. My eyes were no longer foggy and all that was once dull, truly became magical.
This blog is for those asking why I am always happy and smiling, why I always seem so nonchalant about life when the enemy is attacking me- left and right (still lol). God’s timing is impeccable and his grace Is something that a human being can only understand when grace is all you have to give. At one point, all I had was my backpack. Inside I had a pair of under garments, one sweater, and one pair of pants.. I was at gun point due to my ex lying to the law. I was moving and dealing drugs, I was in a car accident that wrecked everything but my bones. & had multiple cases in different states.. phew.. goodness .. and .. so much more tbh .. Yet, God always fed me and somehow I always had all I needed. Not many know these stories of my crazy life but I’m willing to open up to anyone who wants/needs a little hope.
God is good, God is great – Everyday.